Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Two Babies, One Outfit

I have had this picture of Sam, my baby, the boy who lived, sitting in a frame on my wall or dresser since it was developed. (Yeah, we developed film nine years ago.) And whenever I would dream for, wish for, hope for, ache for, or picture another baby I would think of this outfit, which was packed away in a large plastic container up in the attic.
As the time to make preparations for Lola approached, I put it off for a long time into the pregnancy. A protection for our family just in case things went wrong, again. I didn't want a room set up and full of baby things until I was sure we would be bringing one home. Eventually though, Whitney (my SIL) came over and got the plastic containers down from the attic for me and I went through Sam's baby stuff and found the beloved outfit.
When I dressed little Lola, my baby, the girl who lived, in her brother's outfit for the first time my heart felt warm, grateful, and tears sprang to my eyes, as they still so easily do. And as the dream, wish, hope, ache, picture was filled, I couldn't help but wonder about those six lost pregnancies. I still felt sad about those. I wondered why it those miscarriages happened and what our family could be like had things not gone wrong... And now I realize that they didn't. Things didn't go wrong. Heavenly Father has a plan for his children, and this was His plan for our family. And only He knows what else is in store for us. So we will trust.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding"

Proverbs 3:5

9 comments:

Meg said...

You are amazing. This post brought tears to my eyes too. Lola is so sweet and precious.

Sandy said...

I am crying too. I am so happy for you. What a tender post.

Whitney said...

count me in too! Thank you for this post and a sweet reminder of how precious little Lola is. We love you guys!

Andrea Busath said...

Well at least I read this at home and not at work because it made me tear up too! Lola is so beautiful and such a sweet reminder that yes, the Lord does have a plan for all of us. Love you all and can't wait to see you this weekend!!!

Sarah said...

I Was telling my mom and sister yesterday that I can't read your blog without crying...we're so happy for you!!

Amy and Arthur said...

What a tender experience. Thank you for sharing it. I love you and your sweet family. We love seeing little Lola grow!!

Emily said...

Julie you're awesome. Love this post!

Meesa said...

I have no words. Thank you, Love you!

Kim said...

You're amazing. Love you.