On the weekend after my miscarriage I was tired and feeling weepy and didn't want to go to church because I felt awkward. But I knew I was teaching Relief Society the next week so I decided to bite the bullet and go just to get all my awkwardness out on the week I didn't have to teach.
The opening Hymn in Sacrament Meeting was Precious Savior. I have loved this hymn since I was a youth because we sang it in a youth choir for a large event once. I was fine through the song, until the third verse:
Precious Savior, dear Redeemer, Thou wilt bind the broken heart.
Let not sorrow overwhelm us; Dry the bitter tears that start.
Curb the winds and calm the billows; Bid the angry tempest cease.
Precious Savior, dear Redeemer, Grant us everlasting peace.
I teared up and felt the verse very applicable.
I quickly recovered and moved on through church. Then the opening hymn in Relief Society was Lead Kindly Light. Another hymn I love because I sang it in youth choir. And again, I was fine until the last verse:
So long thy pow'r Hath blest me, sure it still Will lead me on
O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till The night is gone.
And with the morn those angel faces smile,
Which I have love long since, and lost awhile.
Again, so applicable. Too applicable. Picture me sitting in front of the room, facing everyone (because I'm in the presidency and we sit in front) and I start to lose it. So, before it got too bad I just got up and walked out hoping no one had noticed. As soon as I left the room I stopped crying. So I was just standing in the hall waiting for my tears to dry, when a friend stepped out and said she didn't want me crying alone. So much for no one noticing. The tears probably started again at this point, they usually do when people are nice to me. My friend pointed out the door and said, "Go stand in the sun, it will feel so good." So I did, and the sun felt SO good. We chatted for a minute or two and then I declared myself ready to go back in. I pulled it together in less than 5 minutes.
I felt fine through the lesson. And then we arrived at the closing Hymn, Our Savior's Love:
Our Savior's love Shines like the sun with perfect light,
As from above It breaks thru clouds of strife.
Lighting our way, It leads us back into his sight,
Where we may stay to share eternal life.
I was supposed to be there that day. There was a message there for me and I'm so glad I was there to receive it. The message was simple and I have heard it since my youth. I have friends who love me. Heavenly Father loves me. Our Savior, Jesus Christ is there for me, with his hand extended. I can lay my sorrows at his feet and he will bear me up, and bind my broken heart. And even though the weather has been mild here lately, living with an eleven year old sometimes feels like living with an angry tempest. And the morning after sorrow always comes. And would the morning be as sweet without the night?
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