Some people read tea leaves, I read the mail.

Several week ago I received a package in the mail.

Judging by the box, I thought it was my Mother Of The Year Award.

Alas, it was just baby swag.... Baby Swag? When I was preggers with Sam, my doctors office signed me up (or sold my personal information - it all depends on how you look at it) to some mailing list and then all through the pregnancy, and Sam's first year of life, I got stuff in the mail. Formula, diapers, nipple cream, butt cream, etc. You name it, I got it.

For the first pregnancy after Sam (there have been six) I ended up on the list again. But I miscarried and still the swag came. It didn't bother me too much because that miscarriage was just a fluke and surely I would get pregnant again and we'd have another baby soon. It was not in the stars.

The doctors office is smart. In more than a medical way. They have never signed/sold me up for swag again. I thank them for that. Something I had never thought of until this little pink box of formula arrived.

I was seriously confused when I opened the box. I'm not pregnant. Why was this sent to me. I'll admit, it's a little bit painful. There is nothing I would like to do more than spend hundreds of dollars on baby formula. I counted back to my last miscarriage which was in October of '08. Way too long ago to explain the baby swag. Maybe this is a sign?

Two days later, another package in the mail.

Hmmm... What could this be? A tiny newborn diaper? Some breast pad samples?

Alas, if I try to read the mail, the way some people read tea leaves, then I'm being told the same old story.

You're pregnant and having a baby...

Just kidding, here's some tampons...

But still, I hope. That is why the formula found it's way to my pantry.

Right next to the lentils which I also never use.

Tales From The Backpack

I found this artistic rendering in Sam's back pack.

Apparently Spring is way more violent than I ever could have imagined.

In case you can't tell what is going on in this masterpiece, the Angry Sun is saying, "Me kill snowman." To which the equally angry snowman (who could blame him?) replies, "Oh, no you don't" Then sprouts some wicked ice wings to fly up to the Sun and show it who's boss. Well, that last part I am just assuming. On second thought, and after some motherly examination, I think the snowman is actually generating a force field around itself as a protection, much like shade.

I'm so glad to be this artist's mother. Even if he does need counseling.

Do you ever wish....

Do you ever wish

you could fall asleep,

anytime,

anywhere,

no matter what you were doing?

I do too.

Would you consider...?

Would you consider helping someone you and I don't know with her thesis? I read today about a young lady who is preparing to write her thesis on Internet folklore and more specifically blogs and bloggers. She is gathering research by way of a survey. To participate in her survey, like I did, click here.

Wart Update

The wart turned black and eventually fell off. And it only took two months. It happened to come off during the first hour of church. Sam tapped me and then put it in my hand. I threw up in my mouth and then wrapped the wart in a tissue and stuffed it in my purse. I didn't want any one's baby to drop a cheerio, bend over , see the wart and eat it instead. For the picture, you are welcome. Sam is back on the monkey bars.

That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!

To get your bracket and place your vote visit Jezebel.com
Disclaimer: I cannot be responsible for what you see or read on that site. I'm not familiar with it. I just like cake and pie. OK? And NOT basketball!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Well, today is the day we celebrate.... what is it again? Green? Leprechauns? Rainbows with pots of gold at the end? Cereal? Oh, I don't know.
Alls I know is I got pinched before I even got out of bed. The little white ninja suit I wear to bed didn't have any green on it so Sam pinched me. He pinches funny too. He puts his fingers together before he even touches his victim, then he pinches the tiniest bit of skin possible. That's not how I pinch. I grab a big hunk of skin and fat, right on the back of the arms and I wrench it between my fingers until my victim is on their knees crying. I got him good, because he wasn't wearing any green either.... What a dummy. Who goes around pinching people for not wearing green while not wearing green? Sam does, that's who.

Remember last year when Sam built this trap? This year he built one out of mega blocks. You know, big Lego's. So, he built it and then he proceeded to talk about it ALL NIGHT LONG. And as he talked, he stared me down. "Mom, come see my Leprechaun trap..." STARE. "Mom, do you think I'll catch a Leprechaun this year?" STARE. "Mom, do you think I should put something in it to attract the Leprechaun to it?" STARE. Then he stopped being subtle. "Mom, remember that Lego set the Leprechaun left me last year?" STARE. "I wonder if the Leprechaun will leave me something tonight." STARE. Walking backwards towards his room for bed, "Watch out for Leprechauns tonight!" STARE.

Now I KNOW he's too old for this stuff.

The Leprechaun got away, but seemed to have dropped some of his chocolate gold coins while escaping... I neglected to take any pictures.

Dave is da bomb!

So, you may or may not have noticed a break in my posts...

About two weeks ago our computer started to wig out.

It was slower than me getting chased by a snail.

Going from one task to another took minutes, let alone reading blogs and posting on them.

Then last week, it happened.

The Blue Screen Of Death.

We sweat.

We were stuck in a three screen cycle.

We cried.

We thought about all the pictures - some from 2008 and all from 2009.

We yelled at each other.

We tried to stay calm, but we were seriously panicking.

Then, Matt called my brilliant cousin Dave.

Is there anything that Dave can't do?

He is so smart.

He put our minds at ease, his evening on hold, and he used his skills to fix our poor,

little,

pathetic,

rusty,

moldy,

decrepit

lap top.

And now it's working better than ever.

AND HE SAVED EVERYTHING ON IT!!!

Dave is my HERO!

And he didn't even roll one eye when I told him that the penciled in numbers on the top of my keyboard are from my library card, which I need easy access to.

Thanks Dave!