Some of you know, some of you don’t, that I have been pregnant for the last 10 weeks. I was feeling reluctant to blog about it because I have lost 5 other pregnancies in the past and I wasn’t sure I would want to blog about it if I lost this one. But now I just really need to get it out there.
I get what is called hyper emesis gravid arum, which is a tricky way of saying excessive vomiting while pregnant. So I often have to go to the infusion clinic to receive IV fluids. Thanks to my Health Care Advocate (a.k.a. - mom) I got an as needed order to go when ever I wanted. It was wonderful.
I had a great weekend. I felt great, too great. On Sunday night I started to think about how great I was feeling and my eyes didn't slam shut when my head hit the pillow like they had been for the last month. Monday morning dawned and I called the nurse and she set up an ultrasound. There was no heart beat. Once again - for the sixth time. We are pretty sad. I called Matt and he came home from work to be with me. We sat on the couch for about an hour and then decided to go Christmas Shopping. It was fun and a nice distraction. I am so thankful to have Matt!
If you are expecting - DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I am so happy for you and any righteous couple who are expecting, no matter if it's their 18th baby. I want to hear all about the progression of your pregnancy. By no means should you be walking on egg shells or feeling bad about your pregnancy or other children.
We have a beautiful son who is the joy/trial of our life who we wouldn't give up for anything and we feel so blessed to have him as I'm sure you all feel about your sweet children. I KNOW Heavenly Father loves me and my family. I know he isn't punishing us or trying to make us feel gypped (even though we get a little bitter and have the gypped feeling once in a while - that's a natural part of the grieving process). He is refining us, making us who we need to be. I believe all six of those babies are waiting for us - I'm counting on it and I look forward to the day I get to hold them. I pray to live worthy of being with them, but until then, we have a wonderful life to live here.
I have learned that talking about it to anyone who asks has helped enormously in the past. So if you have any questions ask them.
Yes, I am on drugs right now, but I believe every word. I just hope it makes sense. :)
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