Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Some of you know, some of you don’t, that I have been pregnant for the last 10 weeks. I was feeling reluctant to blog about it because I have lost 5 other pregnancies in the past and I wasn’t sure I would want to blog about it if I lost this one. But now I just really need to get it out there.

I get what is called hyper emesis gravid arum, which is a tricky way of saying excessive vomiting while pregnant. So I often have to go to the infusion clinic to receive IV fluids. Thanks to my Health Care Advocate (a.k.a. - mom) I got an as needed order to go when ever I wanted. It was wonderful.
I had a great weekend. I felt great, too great. On Sunday night I started to think about how great I was feeling and my eyes didn't slam shut when my head hit the pillow like they had been for the last month. Monday morning dawned and I called the nurse and she set up an ultrasound. There was no heart beat. Once again - for the sixth time. We are pretty sad. I called Matt and he came home from work to be with me. We sat on the couch for about an hour and then decided to go Christmas Shopping. It was fun and a nice distraction. I am so thankful to have Matt!

If you are expecting - DO NOT FEEL GUILTY! I am so happy for you and any righteous couple who are expecting, no matter if it's their 18th baby. I want to hear all about the progression of your pregnancy. By no means should you be walking on egg shells or feeling bad about your pregnancy or other children.

We have a beautiful son who is the joy/trial of our life who we wouldn't give up for anything and we feel so blessed to have him as I'm sure you all feel about your sweet children. I KNOW Heavenly Father loves me and my family. I know he isn't punishing us or trying to make us feel gypped (even though we get a little bitter and have the gypped feeling once in a while - that's a natural part of the grieving process). He is refining us, making us who we need to be. I believe all six of those babies are waiting for us - I'm counting on it and I look forward to the day I get to hold them. I pray to live worthy of being with them, but until then, we have a wonderful life to live here.
I have learned that talking about it to anyone who asks has helped enormously in the past. So if you have any questions ask them.

Yes, I am on drugs right now, but I believe every word. I just hope it makes sense. :)

12 comments:

Emily said...

Julie, that just plain SUCKS, and you are so awesome to handle it so well! Would you like to take my youngest for a few days? He's two and a complete angel... heh heh i promise?

Jeanna said...

Julie, you know I love you, and although our trials are similar, the way we have had to suffer is different. But I do understand the empty feeling, empty arms, sometimes empty heart.

Having a wonderful husband and wonderful child/ren makes a big difference. The blessings are numerous and uncountable.

Love you!!!

Jessica said...

Julie I was so sad to hear the news. Your attitude is inspiring.
I had fun rocking out with you on saturday. And refereing to your previous blog that kid is awesome. got to love the entertainment.

Holley, Dane Brien & Wesley Berry said...

You really are an inspiration! I can relate to your pain and trials on many levels. I hope and pray that you and your family will continue to be comforted and blessed. I love you all!

Sandy said...

Julie and Matt, the offer still stands, if you feel like you have to hit someone come over to my house and shake my walnut trees until all the walnuts are on the ground. Get it out of your system. MOM

MEG said...

Julie, we love you so much! Your strength is amazing to me. And Christmas shopping sounds like a great remedy to me!

Studyvin Says said...

You are awesome! I'm so sorry to hear about your latest trial. You have grown into a wonderful woman who will raise dozens of children thru eternity.

Kim said...

Oh, Julie. We had such high hopes. I'm so sorry. You are amazing and I'm so proud of you and your attitude about this.

Nathan said...

I love you Julie!

Becky said...

Ooops! Didn't realize Nathan was signed in and not me...I love you Julie...love, Becky.

Lilianne and Jason Wright said...

Julie - you're the greatest person and it breaks my heart to hear this news. We are praying for you and we know, someday, you'll be blessed with more kiddos. Hang in there and know that we love you soooo much! Lois will be ready for some Julie time in December - she can't wait to see you again!

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