I attract strange people.... Part TWO.

PART TWO - I don't enjoy going to the movies.

Of course there are the usuals: getting the back of my chair kicked, people talking through the movie, the crinkle of candy wrappers and popcorn bags, and the slurping of the straw for that last drop of soda. All of which drive me up the wall. I am NOT a touchy felling kind of person, so just the fact that I have to sit so close to a stranger in the theater is enough to get me feeling feisty. Yes, I'm a very intolerant person. But only towards rudeness and a lack of common courtesy or common sense. I know I have a lack of patience when it comes to my fellow men and women, but I have the worst experiences at the movies.
While watching the new Super Man movie a few years ago, the dude in front of us let his two-ish, maybe three year daughter sing the whole Hokey Pokey, at the top of her lungs. Dad just kept watching the movie no matter how loud I sighed or how many times the guy in front of him turned around to glare. In that case Matt told me to "shift my paradigm". I don't know what kind of life that guy has or the trials he's going through. . Maybe he's totally stressed out and feels like his world is caving in around him. Maybe, if I say something to him like, "Could you SHUT that KID UP?!!!" which is what I wanted to say, maybe that would be the last straw. His life wouldn't be worth living any more, or something like that. Blah, Blah, Blah. OR maybe he was just rude.
Speaking of rude, when we went to see the second Harry Potter movie, the theater was full and a family who snuck in ten minutes into the movies stood in the back and talked out loud through the whole movie. In that case, Matt eventually got tired of me turning around and glaring at them and told ME to cut it out.
And on the talking out loud and coming in late topic, there once was this lady who climbed over us 15 minutes into the actual movie (including the previews she was like 30 minutes late) but her husband managed to get there on time. So after crawling over us she plopped herself down right next to me and immediately started speaking OUT LOUD in a different language to her husband. The really "funny" thing about this was he would answer back in a very soft whisper. After about three minutes of this I turned my whole body in my chair to face her and said," You may be speaking a language we can't understand, but we can still hear you." Her head whipped around and she gave me a look that said loud and clear, How dare you interrupt my conversation. I smiled at her. She turned and tried to continue her conversation but her husband quickly shushed her. And Matt leaned into me and told me to just watch the movie.... I can't remember which movie that was, but I see that lady all over town and I often wonder if she recognizes me, like I do her.


And the crowning moment, the incident which I truly hope will never be topped happened during the third Harry Potter Movie. We waited in line like true fans on opening day. When they opened the gates we power walked our way to the best seat in the house. A couple who was on a date, which I gathered from my pre movie eavesdropping was one of the first by their awkward conversation. (Yes, I know, I'm rude, but this guy didn't have a theater-date-night-type of voice and he was RIGHT next to me.) He also saved his snacks and popcorn until after the movies started, which isn't so strange, I guess.


Once the movie started though he was chomping into that bag of popcorn like there was no tomorrow. I could barely hear the movie over his really loud, open mouth chewing. Between that and the fact that he turned to his date and asked her (out loud) why Harry lives with his Aunt and Uncle I was starting to get annoyed. Once Harry got away from the Dursleys he started saying, "Who's that?" when characters like Ron or Hermione entered the scene. WHAT? WHY are you here on OPENING NIGHT for the THIRD movie in a series you have clearly never seen, read or, possibly, heard of? WHY? All this while he munched away on that popcorn, which didn't last long. I know, because as soon as he was done he wadded up the bag as loudly and annoyingly as possible. He then leaned forward to toss it under his chair and as he sat back up he wiped his greasy, buttery popcorn hand on MY LEG! I gasped and jerked away and Matt sat up super fast and looking past me, glared at him . He shirked back, leaning into his date with both hands waving in the air in an I surrender type of action, while saying, "Sorry!, I'm so sorry!"


While I wanted to scream and cry and MAKE HIM PAY WITH PUBLIC HUMILIATION, I turned back to the movie and tried to focus. Within five minutes he was leaning my way and scrounging around in his pockets for what turned out to be gum. And then the loud open mouthed gum smacking started. I turned to Matt and didn't have to say anything, he just stood up and switched me places.


Have I ever told you how much I love Matt. He is such a gentle man. In hindsight we should have moved and gotten the manager involved by getting that dude kicked out, and then sued him for the price of four movie tickets and a new pair of pants since mine had greasy hand prints on one leg.


Let me end by telling of a time I wasn't the best neighbor in the movies.... I was around twelve years old and we went to the dollar theater to see Turner and Hooch. Talk about an intense movie. At one point Hooch, the super slobbery police dog that you can smell through the movie screen, is running and chasing and being chased and there were guns involved so it was super scary. So in my tensed up worry for this disgusting dog I yelled really loud, "GO,HOOCH!" at the screen.... And then I remembered I was in a theater surrounded by people, including my sisters, my brother and my mom. We pretty much laughed through the rest of the movie.


Ok, now I want to hear your worst movie experience. Write it in my comments section or if you would like, do a post about it on your blog but be sure to let me know you did so I can check it out.
(Clip art courtesy of www.aperfectworld.org)